Sistahs' Topic of the Week

Attitude Adjustments, For the Ladies

Ladies, how many of us have dated a man that we wish we hadn’t? I'm sure all of us, at least at some point in our lives. There is something to be said about having regrets after a relationship. It could mean that we've over stayed our welcome during the relationship for fear of the inevitable break up. Or - it could be that we knew long ago that he was not the right man and chose to do nothing about it.

I often ask myself, why would a woman stay in a relationship if she is not happy? Regardless of the reason, we need to define what makes us happy in a relationship and how to obtain that happiness. This begins with adjusting our attitudes.

The attitude adjustment that I am referring to will vary from one to another, but we all need a dose of reality from time to time when it comes to choosing our men. Changing the way we think and being honest about what we really want from a man is the first step towards adjusting our attitudes. Do we really know what we want from a man? I'm convinced that most women do. I believe that we all want a man that we can trust, that is financially and emotionally secure and has no problem taking care of business. Simply put, we want to feel satisfied and fulfilled within our relationship.

Our adjustment starts with our first date. Of course we know that it is unrealistic to believe that we can bombard a man with tons of personal questions while on your first date. However, through conversation and by asking the right questions, you should be able to draw some conclusions regarding his intentions. If issues concerning his personal lifestyle become known and they are not desirable, I say avoid a serious relationship and maybe make that the last date. If you are not impressed about what you've heard initially, trust me, you will not become impressed after time.

Is it fair to be judgmental? Absolutely! We make judgment calls all day, everyday, and this should not be excluded when deciding whether or not to deal with someone on a personal basis. Realistically, dating can be compared to a game and I don't mean that in a negative way. When we are out there attempting to meet someone, who does not put his or her best foot forward? We are literally trying to impress our potential candidate with hopes of at least leaving a good impression or landing a second date.

With that being said, there is nothing appealing about bad credit, extreme debt or baby momma drama. These are certainly not good selling points and if you are not interested in dealing with these issues then don’t. Don’t commit to the relationship or re-evaluate your position if you are already committed. Don’t get me wrong - I'm not suggesting that you prosecute a man that may have experienced rough times and may be sorting out his issues. What I am saying is be honest with your feelings and let your tolerance level be known before getting involved.

With keeping our “attitude adjustment” in mind, I must mention that it is also our responsibility to bring something positive to the table. Don't be fooled into thinking that good men are not looking for the same things that we are. Define who you are as an individual prior to the relationship. Define your role, your needs and your contributions to a relationship. And always...

Continue to follow your pursuit -